Nelson’s column

Nelson, former Mafia Don, has written an article about himself. Please read or else!

To my subjects

I’ve been ruling the roost now for almost 3 months and think that I’ve gained control of all of the humans now. The trickiest were the biggest, he doesn’t like me going upstairs but we’ve got that sorted now as I have a “spot” to sit, on the youngest humans bed; she’s always been won over by my obvious charm and will let me in and out as many times as I like and will often sneak me treats when the larger humans aren’t watching.

The big humans are fascinated by my complete lack of interest in food; they ate Christmas dinner and left the turkey on the table and I wasn’t bothered; I mean why would I want to eat their food!!! Whilst I prefer the indoors, largely because the humans have given me multiple comfy beds to sleep on in every room, I do stretch my legs outside on good weather days and ensure the local riff raff know there’s a new boss in town. Must go cuddle, purr and kiss the female large human, she seems to enjoy the affection from me; I mean who wouldn’t! I’ll report back in another few months to let you know if I’ve trained the 5 of them further 🐾 (will leave the paw prints here as they dry my paws in my new home!)